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Hey this is my first post....hope you like it :D


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous

he could hardly speak


After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done


The monsignor replied " when i am worried about getting

nervous, on the pulpit i place

a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get

nervous, I take a sip"


So next sunday he took the monsignor's advice.


At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.


He proceeded to talk up a storm.


Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the

following note on his door...


1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.


2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.


3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.


4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.


5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his



6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late



7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not

referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.


8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.


9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked

off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.


10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."


11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,

"take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not


"Eat me"


12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the



13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub

thanks for the grub, Yeah God.


14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at

ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's


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